Our Bittersweet Glorious Day

Sunday, October 23, 2016 will always hold special memories.

First, there is the spontaneous surprise visit from my brother! He actually arrived on Saturday but whatever… He lives in Virginia where he trains and instructs Navy pilots. He had just flown a jet into Boise on Friday for some instructing he would be doing with students for several weeks beginning on Monday. With Lukas’ birthday on Sunday and my body in process of a miscarriage with #3, he wisely thought a surprise would be fun. It was great!

The simple fact that our eldest was turning three is what made it a second special memory and a fun, special day to celebrate. We had a beautiful drive to Potlatch, ID, to check out some barnwood we can wrap the fireplace in the Irving St. house with. After loading up the truck with it, we headed to Moscow, ID, and the well-liked Breakfast Cafe to show Uncle Ryan more of our neck of the woods and enjoy a birthday breakfast with the birthday boy. Everyone was ready for some rest after we arrived back home! Unfortunately, I still needed to set some things out for Lukas’ “ice cream bar” birthday celebration so no rest for the mama.

Before Uncle Ryan needed to start his drive back to Boise, we lit a candle in a small bowl of ice cream so we could sing and celebrate with him.  As we finished and said our goodbyes to him, friends started arriving to celebrate Lukas as a three year old! About twenty minutes into friends arriving, I realized my body was also deciding it was time to let baby #3 go. This is the third and final memory to be held on this special day.

Backing up, we had learned we were pregnant on September 30! We weren’t trying, we weren’t preventing, and we were (are!) constantly telling people we are open to adoption if they hear of, or know of, situations that might lead that direction. I thought adoption might be the next way God added to our family yet after that pregnancy test knew I was wrong on that account! My cycles hadn’t resumed to a normal rhythm as I had just weaned Kaden from breastfeeding so any dates for estimating a due date and how far along we were was out the window. The only thing that alerted me to take a pregnancy test was nausea that was similar to what I had carrying Lukas and Kaden.

A few weeks later, with very rough clues following the pregnancy test, we estimated we were roughy two months along. The Tuesday evening prior to this special Sunday, I started spotting. Somehow, I just knew. We weren’t going to get to keep this little one. I didn’t really want to acknowledge it until it was official. After an ultrasound Thursday evening, both Karl and I knew it wasn’t looking good. We both have seen enough ultrasounds to know that what we had seen wasn’t positive. As I was in the bathroom afterwards, the tech also gave him the “it doesn’t look good” face. Blah. A follow-up doctor appointment Friday afternoon, gave us the official word that there was no heartbeat. Now, it was just waiting for my body to let go, which after my doctor’s exam indicated that my body was preparing for that process. My doctor said she wouldn’t be surprised if things happened in the next 24 hours. Nothing did.

It’s always in looking back that I see God’s hand in so many ways. Typically, for me, in the midst of things, I’m wondering how things will work out. I know they will. I’m just too detail-oriented to not wonder how it will...and try to plan ;) After my brother’s surprise of showing up, I didn’t think too much of when my body was going to “do its thing.” I am so, so, so thankful that for the time my brother was with us we were able to just enjoy being together and hang out.

Now, back to Lukas birthday party! For some, I know the timing of having your son’s 3 year old birthday celebration would not be ideal to also be passing another child. I’m not sure I would have chosen it either. Yet as my body began its process and I excused myself to the bathroom, I sent a text to some friends that had been walking with me through the week: “I have to text because the timing is crazy. Celebrating one life and saying goodbye to another.” That phrase of “Celebrating one life and saying goodbye to another,” became very sweet to me. Outside the bathroom was a house full of friends that knew what we were walking through and were also celebrating Lukas. It was sweet picture to me of amazing community that is able to rejoice with those that rejoice and weep with those that weep. We were doing both. At the same time.  In fact, Karl brought me the monitor that’s in the boy’s room so I could see a very little smidge of all the kids playing...and Lukas saying hi to me!

I was able to return to the party after a while and sat at the dining room table with friends around me. Again, in this situation for some, friends would have been asked to leave and everyone would have understood! For me, I was so thankful Lukas was having a blast and being celebrated. I didn’t want people to go home. I was glad there was life happening around me. It was healing to me to have friends right there to give hugs and sit with me. As an introvert, I surprised myself by even telling everyone that I was actually glad for the timing of it all! I was getting to celebrate one life and say goodbye to another at the same time with great community around me. It was special.

With our first miscarriage before Lukas, I ended up in the ER because my body couldn’t handle the amount of blood loss. Having walked with other friends through miscarriages, I knew that typically, the body will pass things at home and all will be well. I thought the time I spent in the bathroom during Lukas’ party was possibly all my body needed to do. Friends, Phil & Cassie, took the boys to church with them after the party so Karl and I could get some rest and process together. My body also told me it wasn’t done.

Just before Phil and Cassie got home with the boys, I asked Karl if he could call his mom to come stay the night. I was also getting more weak and shaky and Karl said he would like me to go to the ER. I agreed that it was probably a good idea. We knew he would need to help settle the boys with his mom and then meet me there. We had Cassie drive me after Karl and Phil did a chair lift with me to the car. I was laying on the floor in our bedroom before they carried me and Kaden had come in to see me. He was so snuggly and warm and wanted to just lay nestled into me. It was a special moment with him :) Lukas was a funny memory - As I was being carried to the car, I heard him say, “Hey, what are they doing with mom?” I was so thankful it wasn’t with a scared voice or even a confused voice. It was a matter of fact tone of voice, which helped this mama’s heart as I was leaving! Momo’s (Karl’s mom) response that I wasn’t strong enough to walk was just perfect :)

After arriving and checking in to the ER, I was waiting at the counter in a wheelchair, not feeling well. I told Cassie that I thought I was going to faint. Sure enough, the next thing I knew, there was someone say, “Miss, miss, can you open your eyes.” I can remember opening them but also not how we got to the ER room, which is my next memory. I was still in the wheelchair yet next to a bed BUT I was throwing up into a hand and I remember thinking, “I’m pretty sure that’s Cassie’s hand I’m throwing up into.” True friend is all I can say to that!! She was great to have by my side since Karl couldn’t be there right away.

After nurses had me stabilized, Karl arrived. I was so glad to see him! Before leaving home, I had also sent a text to my friend, Rachel, who is an ER nurse, asking if she would come be with me. I also contacted my friends Paige and Amy to be there as well. I asked myself, “who does not have young kids that can come be with me!?” They arrived and it was such a gift to have them. They prayed with me. Rachel stayed in the room with me and Karl through the evaluation of my body. We learned that I had come into the ER with my red blood cell count at 11 (normal is 12-15) and had dropped to 9 while there. So, so thankful we went when we did! There was talk of a blood transfusion but we never did head down that route.

When the ultrasound tech came to get me, my “groupies,” as Karl referred to them, waited until we returned. After my lab and ultrasound results were known and the decision to do a D&C (surgery where they put you out and remove remaining tissue from your uterus so as not to cause infection) was made, I had a lot of fear, and tears, and overwhelming emotions of getting pregnant again (yes, I was jumping to future possibilities). I did not know how to process all of it. They prayed with me again and for Karl and the surgery...and just all of it. It goes without saying that having my husband with me was the absolute best. The second best was having the gift of these ladies come out late at night to be with me and stay until we were waiting for the medical team to assemble for my surgery. AND they took over the care of our boys and figuring out plans for the next day while we rested and recovered in the hospital. I didn’t handle a darn detail. That’s big. I have amazing friends and husband.

I missed and thought of Lukas and Kaden yet was so comfortable and confident of ALL the help that was being poured out to love and care for them over the 24 hours we were gone. From Karl’s mom to other friends going to our house and playing with them to meals being set up for the following week to beautiful flowers being brought to us, we have experienced God’s hands and feet and love and care through so many. We truly did not walk this alone.

Miscarrying is quite common as you come to learn as you experience it. We’ve had a number of friends walk through the journey as well. We like to think of all the little ones we haven’t been able to meet playing together :) As a sweet friend said in a text to me, “Your sweet baby was way too perfect for this world and the first thing they saw was Jesus - and there’s nothing sweeter than that.” It true. Our little peanut, as I affectionately refer to this one we’ve not met, is home. Really home. We have empty arms and are sad yet have a peace that passes all understanding.  It was a bittersweet, glorious day to celebrate Lukas’ life of three years and say goodbye to one that we won’t meet this side of heaven. So thankful for both lives. And so thankful for this little clan to call my own and look forward to any others added along our journey.

POSTSCRIPT:

What I learned after this miscarriage, is that it is common to have headaches due to the change in hormones and/or the anesthesia from the D&C surgery. They. Were. Gnarly. Not quite migraine but it was tough to function with two young kids, especially since it was combined with very little energy. Not to mention, attempting to process and grieve the little life you weren’t going to get to meet and enjoy. The friends and family that brought meals throughout the following week or came to play with the boys was so, so helpful. It provided space to just be in the days that followed. If you never experience a miscarriage personally, know that your helping hands go a long way in caring for a friend that does. Thank you to our community of helping hands that gave us moments to be a family and cherish what God has given as well as experience how God cares for and loves us through the sad times with the simple of act of a meal or listening ear.

Kaden's Birth Story

April 2016 May 2016

Kaden’s birth story starts mid-pregnancy as I sought input about having a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I know some would think me crazy! Why choose to go that route when I could easily shower and look cute with a scheduled c-section?!

For me, I relate it to someone who is an average runner. One who has trained and prepared for a marathon. Then, during that first marathon, after putting 110% into it, in mile 25 a hamstring is pulled. The runner finishes it walking yet the real desire was to finish by running across the finish line. That’s me with birth! My labor and delivery with Lukas ended in a cesarean, which I was fully on-board with and glad to do after 110% of effort! I wanted to run the labor & delivery race again to see if we could get a different outcome - a different race finish if you will ;) Thus, I chose to attempt a VBAC for Kaden’s birth. We looked into the options for VBAC’s around us and by process of elimination landed on choosing a midwife at a birth center in Moscow, ID (20 minutes from us).

In mid-December, about four months pregnant, we moved in with Karl’s parents so he could begin renovations in the evenings and weekends on the downstairs unit of the Irving St duplex. where we had been living (seemed like a good idea at the time). Having help with Lukas as I got larger and more tired was every mom’s dream! I was definitely spoiled and enjoyed every minute of it.

Roughly three weeks prior to Kaden’s due date of May 14, I started having contractions about 15 minutes apart. This timing was not ideal! We were trying to get work on Irving to a point that inspections could be had and then pass the sheetrock phase on to someone else. Karl was also working on some video prep for his summer courses that, if need be, he could have someone cover his class for a day or two depending on when I went into labor.  

In order to not encourage labor, I rested as much as one can while chasing an active toddler to give Karl as much time as possible to work before baby arrived! The contractions would ease up during the night and mornings and then begin in the late afternoons and evenings. They weren’t consistent but did begin to become stronger and longer. Thankfully, Kaden chose to wait and we were able to get to the week of his due date, which was also the start of summer classes for Karl.

I began to be more active that week. His due date of Thursday, May 14 came and went. Friday evening, Karl’s sister, Kari and his two aunts, Nadine and Lauren, surprised us with a visit! They were hoping for a baby to snuggle but Kaden had his own timing in store. On Saturday, Karl worked on the Irving house renovation with Kari’s, Nadine’s, & Lauren’s help. It was a quick visit as we waved them off that afternoon after the renovation work so they could be back for things on Sunday. 

(Picture: Aunt Lauren hanging out Friday, two days before Kaden arrived! Lukas at 19 months! Me at very pregnant.)

Sunday morning, May 17, around 4:00 a.m. Kaden began making it known that he was now ready! I lay in bed realizing contraction pain was increasing and timing between was becoming shorter. I woke Karl up around 4:30 to alert him. We were excited...and excited we’d made it this far! I sent Nicole, our doula, a text around 5:15 a.m. asking how her other client was doing since I knew she was at another birth - same thing happened with Lukas’ labor - ha! She replied that the baby had arrived a few hours earlier and a little more sleep would be nice but she’d be ready whenever we wanted her. Love her!! I lasted about 23 minutes to be exact. I sent her another text that I’d like her with us. Only an hour after my first alert to her, she was present and ready to support us in all things laboring!! Karl let his parents know we were in labor downstairs and they would be officially on Lukas duty when he woke up.

The next several hours Nicole had me in various positions to help Kaden continue to drop and be in good position. I also continued to wait for the pain to increase. It never did. Don’t get me wrong. There was definitely labor pains! But with Lukas’ birth I was induced with pitocin to get my contractions going. When I had sought understanding for a VBAC, the gal I met with told me to think of the pain with a pitocin-induced labor at a “10” on a scale. Then, drop that pain down a couple notches to an “8” for a labor that begins naturally. It was totally true! I was even more proud of myself going el-natural (no pain meds/epidural) with Lukas’ labor on pitocin! Around 12:30 p.m., Nicole suggested a shower to help ease the aches, I went into the bathroom and basically turned around. The thought of getting in and out and knowing we still had drive somewhere, was not appealing. She suggested it was probably a good time to head to Moscow and the birth center to our mid-wife.

(Picture: The only one we took laboring at home. Early labor stage with that goofy look :) Truth be told, I was bummed we didn’t take more at home to capture all we did!)

In preparation for the drive, Nicole tied a rebozo (think long fabric) underneath my tummy and around my hips to support and apply pressure for the contractions as we drove to the birth center (20 minutes away). Nicole drove her car and Karl (obviously!) drove us. I was kneeling on the front floorboards of the passenger side with my head laying on the seat and my hands grabbing the seat back. It was probably the most intense pain as we were driving and I didn’t have Karl and Nicole’s support around my hips. We made it though! And so did my midwife Nancy. She had been on a call an hour and half away at another birth, had just gotten home to take a shower and get sleep when Nicole called letting her know we were in transit :D Ahhh, the life of babies for midwives and doulas! Always making things exciting and sleepless.

Once we arrived at the birth center and settled in, Nancy told me that normally she doesn’t check right away but because there was another possible baby on its way as well, she needed to make a plan depending on how far along I was. (Side note: Nancy delivered four babies within 24 hours. Kaden was number three!) I agreed to the check of course and prepared myself to be 3 to 4 cm. As she was feeling me, she paused and got a funny look on her face. Then she said, “Kristy, I think you’re 9 cm!” She double-checked and sure enough, I was 9 cm. I was ecstatic! Those hours laboring at home, along with the positions Nicole had me in, my body had done its job!

Back pressure from Nicole, Emotional support from Karl

During the next two hours of laboring, Karl and I got in the birthing tub which was one of my favorite parts during those two hours. Having Karl apply hip pressure during contractions in a big tub of water could almost be called relaxing. Almost. After a while though, I was antsy and didn’t want to be in the tub any longer. Around 4 p.m., we chose to have Nancy break my waters in hopes that it put me into pushing mode. It did the trick! Pushing Kaden was different than with Lukas, which makes sense because that’s where Lukas stopped descending after the first hour of pushing with him. Just for my memory alone, labor had felt like “nothing” up to this point compared to Lukas’ - that’s what surprised me the most.  That is, until the pushing.

What I remember most about pushing with Kaden is that I felt most comfortable on the birthing stool leaning against Karl (who was back to back with Nicole for support) and having my legs propped up on Nancy’s shoulders as she sat in front of me so I had something to push against. We also all joked with Karl that he needed to use his engineering to figure out some sort of gadget that connects to the birthing stool to help the leg pushing support and make us all lots of money. The things you do while pushing a baby out….

Left: The best support team a girl could ask for.

Right: Nancy (on the right), our fantastic midwife, with Nicole and Kaden at 2.5 months

Nancy continued to check Kaden’s heart rate as I continued the pushing process. About an hour and half into pushing, they were seeing his head, but she was also watching his heart rate drop. At that point, instead of her slow and steady pushing approach, she told me we needed to get him out. And to PUSH on the next few contractions. PUSH, I did.

With ALL I had, I pushed Kaden into the world. Yes, pain. Yes, glory. Yes, amazing. I get choked up just thinking about it. Nancy placed him on my chest and I couldn’t believe that we had just accomplished a VBAC. It was an amazing moment. I will say here that I’ve heard pushing your baby out naturally creates some sort of amazing high yet I can’t say that I experienced that sensation. I was glad I had chosen the VBAC route and I knew I had “finished my marathon” but there definitely was not a euphoric high for me. Just sayin’. Maybe that will help someone else know it’s okay if they don’t get that sensation either.

Seconds after birth - Real life.

Seconds after birth - Smile!

I had my first moments with Kaden and Karl was proud daddy once again! He was born at 5:38 p.m. and was 6 lbs., 8 oz. and 20 inches long. Karl was also able to clamp Kaden’s umbilical cord. As Nancy began her afterbirth exam, she unfortunately found that because of the intense pushing I had to do to get Kaden out, I had a fourth degree tear. Yup. Go big or go home. For those that don’t know, that’s the “best” you can do. A one degree tear is blip on the radar compared to a fourth. Nancy can stitch up a first or second degree tear but with a third or fourth degree, it’s best to have a surgeon sew you up. Soooo, no idyllic sweet moments for us at the birth center with Kaden after he was born. That is definitely my only “sad” part of Kaden’s birth experience. Obviously, it was important to get me to the hospital to begin the stitching process yet it caused a flurry of timing that didn’t leave much to take in the moments. Nancy cleaned me up. Her assistants (I think! Or maybe, Nicole?!) cleaned up and clothed Kaden. And 30 minutes after birth, Karl was putting Kaden into his carseat for his first car ride :) Hahaha. Still cracks me up for some reason and I’ll never forget how cute he looked ready for his first ride!

“Ready for the carseat, dad!”

I was a bit light headed after the blood loss, not much food, all the effort of labor...you know, my marathon! Karl picked me up and put me in the car and drove us to the hospital. A great feature of our birth center is that it’s only three blocks from the hospital. Nancy and Nicole both drove their separate vehicles. I was checked in and longer story short, sewed up by Dr. Trihn (she was great!). Karl will tell you I hummed my entire way through that sewing job. I did. It’s how I coped with the pain and mental thought of it all. (Sidenote: A cup of warmed up prune juice with two tablespoons melted butter in it works like a charm to help the system move freely! I didn’t think the taste was too bad. I may or may not have called it my “hot toddy.”)

At Gritman Medical Center ready to be sewn up.

We stayed overnight so they could monitor me. Lukas was able to visit the next morning with Momo and Bobo (Karl’s parents). We were discharged that afternoon. I laid low for three weeks resting and recovering. It’s one of the best things a new mama can do after birth, I believe! I set up help with friends during the day for Lukas so that Karl’s mom wasn’t doing it all herself.

Meeting older brother Lukas for the first time!

Our friends Vince & Randi McIntryre were also visiting

when Momo brought Lukas in to see us.

The name Kaden means “companion” and we pray he will be a great companion who reflects God’s friendship towards us.  Using “Karl” as his middle name is tradition on Karl’s side to use the father’s name as the middle name for the second son, if there is one.

We love you, Kaden Karl! Happy 1st Birthday! We are blessed and humbled to be your parents and looking forward to how God shapes and uses you.

Lukas’ Birth Story

October 2014

It feels like yesterday I was hearing the words, “There is heavy debris in your amniotic fluid.” Crazy that it was one year ago! It was Monday morning, October 21, 2013. We were two weeks shy of being full-term. This was a miracle in my book since my body had begun contractions at 32 weeks and I’d been laying low since then so as not to encourage an early labor. But nonetheless, those words were still surreal. Walking into this ultrasound appointment, I felt as if something were going to trigger this little guy to be on his way. Here it was.

Since we were 38 weeks, my doctor told me that she would rather deal with him on the outside than leave him in for two more weeks since we couldn’t confirm what that “heavy debris” entailed. As they hooked me up at the doctor’s office to monitor the baby and to call the hospital to schedule an induction, I called Karl to tell him to get ready! His son was on the way one way or the other!

We learned the hospital was quite busy that day so the next morning was going to be our entrance into labor. There was nothing about induction that encouraged me. I called my doula, Nicole, and she had us stop by her home in order to stretch me and put me in some positions that encourage labor. I called for an acupuncture appointment only to learn they were closed for the day. Bummer. Karl and I walked and walked. We….well, I….ate the spiciest Thai dish I could handle. Karl enjoyed a Thai dinner with me...just not spicy. Not. A. Movement. This little guy was quite cozy.

Spicy Thai dish at Phikun’s!

In the midst of the all the attempts, Karl and I tried to wrap our minds around the fact that soon we were to be three. At dinner, he gave me a necklace that is in the shape of an ‘O’ for Olsen with a small diamond in the middle that would represent our kids. He told me he thought of it as our kids would always be close to my heart. Yes, I cried. We’ve since had the idea that we’ll be adding the birthstone of each child to it as they arrive in our world.

Karl also told me I was to get a pedicure. He can be a bit demanding sometimes. I had actually never understood why women would get pedicures before the birth of their child. Now, I’m sold! Those pretty toes always brought a smile to my face the days following labor and delivery!

A Bright & Cheery Red :)

Next was the attempt at sleep. We made sure we were ready to go as we had to be at the hospital at 7:00 a.m. I think Karl slept just fine of course. I was on and off throughout the night. I’d feel Lukas move around and get teary thinking I wouldn’t feel him like that anymore. And then I’d get teary thinking of just of soon I'd be holding him. I knew sleep and rest was best for what was ahead so in between all the movements, hopes that maybe I felt a contraction, and the teariness, I slept.

Arriving at the hospital the next morning was wild. Was this really happening?! I was most definitely nervous at the thought of being induced. Most of what I had heard and read was about the quickness with which contractions and labor can begin. I’d been praying a lot that somehow things would be okay.

By 7:30 a.m., I was hooked up and ready to go. The drip of pitocin began. God is gracious. My body was very, very slow to respond. We walked the birth center. We rested. My back-up doula and awesome pre-natal yoga instructor, Kristine, arrived and we hung out, kept walking and chatted about her pregnancy & possible names while enjoying the beautiful autumn day out the large windows. I know I also kept saying I wanted to get out of the “smiling” phase. Meaning, I knew things really hadn’t started and once I wasn’t smiling anymore, things would be “gettin’ real!” We waited. Not only for my body to respond to the pitocin, but also for Nicole, my primary doula. She was down in Lewiston, which is 45-60 minutes away, at another birth.

I remember ordering lunch and enjoying what I could while also feeling and knowing my body was picking things up with the contractions. Nicole arrived at the hospital with an hour of sleep and a shower. She is a gem! Literally, she was in the room five minutes, when it was as if my body knew she was there and we could really begin things. I remember saying, “Oh, that was really intense” and pushing the food tray away and doubling over in bed while breathing really slow. After hugs with Kristine and expressing how grateful I was to have her with us, she headed out letting us know that if we needed anything, to let her know. I will never do a birth again without my doula’s. What a support team for Karl and I!!

Kristine, left; Nicole, right

As Kristine left, everything gets blurry and time was irrelevant. I do know it was around 3:30 in the afternoon when active labor really began. For most of labor, I had my eyes closed concentrating on what the moment needed. We labored around the bed for awhile. Then we went to the jetted tub. The awesome-ness of Pullman Birth Center is that everything you need is in your room. Unless you want to walk the halls of course. A nurse wrapped my arm with all the cords attached and into the tub I went. I have no idea how long I labored there. I do know  “the moment” when I said, “Guys, I don’t know if I can do this,” that happened in that tub.

My hope for our birth was to do it as naturally as possible. I’d heard and knew enough to have a very open hand to possibilities and things taking a very different course. With all the reading and preparation I’d done with birth classes and meeting with Nicole, that moment was significant to me. I knew I could push through with breathing and “riding the waves” in my mind and being in the moment. Somehow the “not sure I can do it” moment passed and we kept going. I knew the pain was purposeful and was bringing Lukas to us.

At some point, I got out of the tub and we kept laboring on the bed. I have no idea where in the process this happened but I remember a moment when Karl was eating or something and Nicole was a bit away from the bed and I called her over and asked her to hold my hand. Something about having her hold my hand was what I needed to be reassured that I could do this and to keep going. It helped.

As we labored, my hip pain was the absolute worst during contractions. I’d say, “here comes another,” and either Karl or Nicole had to apply hip pressure through the contraction. Talk about a workout for them!  

Karl took all the photos...he really helped a lot too :D

Pushing. I know I pushed for two and half hours. Backing things up a bit, I’d guess I started pushing around 9:30 p.m. Six hours after active labor began. During the pushing phase, Nicole had me in every possible position known to birthing moms. She’d tell me we were going to try something else and, in my mind, I’d cry out to myself not knowing how I was going to get to that position it hurt so bad to move. Nonetheless, I used every ounce of strength and determination to get into that position before the next contraction hit.

Finally, I knew I was wearing down. I. Was. Exhausted. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could go. About that time, Dr. Kim Guidea, my primary care doctor, came over and told me that I’d been pushing for 2.5 hours. She said that Lukas had advanced the first hour but hadn’t done anything for the last hour and a half. That was it. I knew I was done. She said she would encourage a C-section. I was all for it. I knew that every ounce of me had fought and given 110% for a natural birth. I was proud of what I’d done. I was grateful for my body and for the experience. I wanted Lukas to be safe and out. For sensitive readers, don’t finish this paragraph but the following is important to me and something I want to remember. My delivery nurse, Diana, told me later that she knew I was giving all I had with every push because I was pooping with each one. Ha! “Yea, that’s right, you better believe it!”, I thought to myself. Proud of my effort mom moment. Not gonna lie!

They began prepping us for a C-section. Signing papers. That’s hard while you’re still feeling the need to push and riding the waves of contractions. Just trust me! I know Karl and Nicole had to keep me focused on breathing and “pushing” through the pain throughout this process. Not literally at this point...even though that’s super tough not to do with the urge to push that contractions bring!

We were wheeled down the hallways to the operating room. Nicole had to leave us at this point as they would only let Karl through the doors. Cory, my anesthesiologist, gave us some instructions while the nurses and doctors moved and prepped me onto the operating table. Finally, I felt no more pain. Soon, I heard a cry. Wednesday, October 23 at 12:26 a.m. That makes me tear up just thinking about it. Karl left me to be with Lukas, which is what we had decided. Cory was still with me. I asked him to hold my hand. Something about hand holding is obviously very reassuring to me!

After a bit, Karl was able to bring Lukas over to me. What a moment. All those nine months. All that labor. Surgery with a C-section. Every moment worth it. Here he was looking at me. His mama.

They took him away with Karl to do whatever they needed for him. And by the way, that heavy debris that began this process? It ended up that he just had a lot of vernix (a layer that coats the skin of newborn babies) on him that was clumping in the amniotic fluid! Thus, he was perfectly fine. They took me to the recovery room. Nicole came in to see me. She had seen Lukas with Karl and the nurses. They brought Lukas back to me and finally we were able to go back to our room.

In the recovery room

We ended up staying in the hospital until Saturday. We saw no point in leaving until we had to - ha! Nurses around the clock, room service, daily massage for me, tv. We told the nurses they could rent out rooms as vacation get-aways while they were empty to earn extra money. Haha! Speaking of the nurses, we loved, loved, loved our most consistent ones - Kaleb & Katie stand out the most.

In our room during our hospital stay

Lukas ended up having trouble nursing which was my emotional roller coaster more than anything during postpartum. That’s a story in and of itself. Well, that and he wasn’t the greatest sleeper...not horrible, just took 11 months and 2 weeks to sleep through the night ;) Overall, he was here and we were a family of three. Now, he is one year old. The sweetest personality. The best smile. The bluest eyes that take after his dad. And a laugh that you can’t help but laugh with him. We love him dearly.

We chose the name Lukas because of its meaning “light.” Our prayer for him is that he would be a light that reflects Jesus’ love to those around him. His middle name Edward is one that both his great-grandfathers (Karl’s dad’s dad & my dad’s dad) had as well as the middle name of both of his uncles (Karl’s brother Erik & my brother Ryan).

Happy 1st Birthday, Lukas Edward! We are so thankful God gave us the gift of you!

Father's Day

Yesterday was Father's Day. We took a walk for coffee, watched multiple World Cup soccer games as Karl worked on sorting our digital photos, picked up stuffed crust pizza for an early lunch, had an early dinner with Karl's parents, and went to church. Overall, a very good day.

As we were in church, something triggered a realization for me. My heart had been totally focused on Karl. How to enjoy him, how to serve him, care for him, love him...all because it was "his" day. It made me realize that every day should be "Father's Day." There is no way I can cultivate that heart by myself.

I want my heart and mindset each day to be what Paul refers to as having the mindset of Jesus in Philippians 2:3-4, 7: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others...he [Jesus] made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant..."

I'm not perfect. Marriage has proven that! I won't remember this all the time. There will be days that are entirely mundane and others that are chaos. Only by God's grace and help from the Holy Spirit will I begin to change and be transformed to have more of this type of heart and mindset. One day at a time.

"Today is Father's Day."

It's the Home Stretch, Son!

16 Weeks 5/19/13
Dad's belly!

20.5 Weeks 6/18/13
Low back pain for dad

30 Weeks 8/24/13
Dad has hit 3rd trimester sleepies....

We're 30 weeks, you and I. We're on the home stretch! I can't wait to meet you! But stay in there a little longer...it's not quite time for our face to face greeting :)

There are so many things to wonder....will you have the abundance of hair like your cousins were born with, and if so, will it be blond or brown? Will you be more like your dad or me or a combo of us both? What sort of things will you gravitate towards and be interested in? How 'bout those eyes...blue or brown?

For the most part, your growth in my belly has been quite normal from what I gather and hear of pregnancy. We were "carsick" the first 15-16 weeks and it definitely was not a "light switch" moment of when I began feeling better! We would start the morning fairly well with only mild blahs and progress into the "Mmm, I can't do anything except lay here, feel queasy and do the basic necessities for the day." We enjoyed cheerios...a lot. Your Nani's recipe for homemade refried beans that I made bean and cheese burritos with were also my go-to comfort food. Only over the course of those 15th and 16th weeks did things calm down and I was able to eat more normal. 

We did have two "cravings" if you will. Your dad and I were walking home from church one Sunday and I smelled french fries. There was no turning my mind off from having some. We got home and drove to our favorite fry place in Pullman - South Fork...long, skinny fries with seasoning and when they come out pipping hot....oh man. I might have to go get a basket now. 

The other item I couldn't get out of my head on a Saturday was pizza. And not just any pizza. I needed...wanted....Pizza Hut's stuffed crust pizza. You dad had no problem taking me :) We both enjoyed every bite. I hope you did too! 

Wildly enough, sweets have not been very tempting. I'll be curious if you're like your Uncle Ry in that department and not care for them very much. Ah, and finally, cold water with ice has been my dear friend throughout. I've always liked and preferred water but we guzzle it and something about the cold and ice is delicious to me!

You've been very active. I've begun to think of my belly as "the wrestling mat" or "the boxing ring" - you're either wrestling or practicing your boxing jabs in preparation for playing and duking it out with your dad. I'm really not sure who's going to have the upper hand...you're quite strong! 

The best part of all this is realizing that I am doing nothing. I eat...you make sure of that. And I sleep...you also help with that. Unless, you're wrestling or boxing and then it takes some time to fall asleep. But really, you are a miracle that God is creating and knitting together inside me....in the shape of you - our son. We are fully aware that you are ultimately His son. I already know that I'll continually learn to hold you with an open hand trusting Him with you. I can rest in Jesus' unconditional love and care for you - whether that looks like joyous times or trials. 

It will be one big adventure that's for sure! We're looking forward to walking it with you. We love you, son. Looking forward to our first face to face with you...

Mom 

Moving Pieces

The New Olsen Home

It even has a small porch for the 

swing Karl made and proposed to me on!

One of the reasons we sporadically update our blog is to tell the story of what God is doing as an avenue of reminding ourselves of His faithfulness, His timing, etc. We want our family to be able to look back and see God's fingerprints. Speaking of His fingerprints, I'm not sure I can say I've had many moments of literally feeling like you are sitting on the sidelines watching Him move pieces into place but that's exactly what these particular circumstances have felt like.

If you know us well, we always have our eyes on the housing market. Is there another good investment that can be used for community, supporting people, and creating income for the later years?? Back in January, we learned some friends, Jeff and Bri, had posted their home on Craigslist since they weren't in any rush to sell and were curious if they could do it on their own. We really like their place so we prayed and thought about it and then let them know we were interested yet did not want this to come between a friendship. We let that thought simmer awhile....

In the meantime, I received a facebook note from a friend, Erin, at church getting married this summer asking if we had any two bedroom places. Unfortunately, I had to respond that we did not. It was a good situation - an "Ugggh! This is exactly why we'd love more places!" And thus....we kept waiting and praying for God's will in whether we were to proceed on Jeff & Bri's home. 

As we were waiting, our friends, Derek and Jessie, that live in the bottom unit of our duplex, found a home they decided they wanted to try to purchase. This meant there could be a possibility of a "two bedroom" home for Erin and her fiance, Eric! Derek and Jessie put an offer on the home and accepted a counter-offer, which made it very possible to offer the bottom unit to Erin and Eric.

As these events unfolded, it had been about three weeks so we decide to follow up with Jeff and Bri and what they thought of our offer. Karl caught Jeff as he was headed out over the lunch hour and Jeff said they'd been thinking about it and were going to go look at a place over lunch and that he'd be in touch. Later that afternoon, Karl received a phone call from Jeff letting us know they really liked the house they saw and wondered how interested we were about their current home. We. Were. Very Interested!

In a matter of 48 hours, we sat down, talked details, Jeff and Bri's offer on the house they liked was countered and they accepted, and we were all moving forward!

I then had to break the news to Erin that we would be moving. We had all been excited about living in the same place over the next year! Little did I know that the night before I told her the news, she received a text from another friend, Jessica, asking if they would be interested in renting a house together the next year - two married couples living in one home - talk about community, huh! (Note: In our university town, this idea would have been cost effective for both couples and they could have gotten a better place to live!) 

When I told her the news that we'd be moving, she had a slight smile on her face....and she proceeded to tell me about the text and how Jessica and her husband, Jacob, were looking for a place as well. "You're kidding me?!", I said. I had to shake my head in amazement because as God provided a home for Derek and Jessie to purchase, He provided Jeff and Bri a home they were interested in as well, which opened up an incredible next step home for us, which then opened up our duplex for Erin & Eric and Jessica & Jacob that both needed places for the following year.

Five couples. Four Homes. One Amazing Provider. I am awed every time I think about it.

We are all very excited for the homes we are moving into over the next several months and how we've seen God provide what was needed for each couple!